| Sunday, April 1, 2007 |
| In One Moment |
After my last post I told myself that I would write regularly but now I feel like a totally different person. Jon and I (& a bunch of our friends) went to Vegas during the NBA All-Star Break and as Jon and I drove home we received the most horrible news. In one moment, my life changed drastically. An hour and a half into our drive home, Jon and I learned about the death of our dear friend, our "brother," Romelo.
That was 41 days ago. I am no longer brought to tears spontaneously several times a day, but there are days where a few tears are shed because I realize that the reality of a world without him. He was only 22 years old, it shouldn't be like this.
Passing through Vallejo (I was on my way home from SF), I stopped by his grave. Vallejo holds different meaning to me now. I was never from Vallejo. I resided there for a few years, but it was never home. It's my sister's home, it's Jon's home, but to me, now I equate it with Romelo. When I sit next to his grave, the thought, "It shouldn't be like this," runs through my mind repeatedly. All of it is surreal. 22 years old. Damn it.
To some people, the nature of the relationship Jon and I had with Romelo was not known because the foundation of that relationship was created when he was in the 8th grade. I sometimes still see him as that 13 year old following Jon everywhere. In that year, he permanently became our "brother." Sometimes I wonder if this guilt will ever fade. Some days I am rational and I know that he was okay with us moving here and getting our lives together. Other days I can't get over knowing that I didn't put forth enough effort to check on him the way we promised. Time and distance were an issue, but when it comes down to it, he was my brother.
It makes sense and at the same time makes no sense. Regardless, it hurts more than anything I've ever felt in my life. |
posted by me @ 10:36 PM  |
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| 1 Comments: |
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I'm sorry for the loss. I understand that you feel guilt, and understand that your are feeling pain, but please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You did nothing but make him a better person and care about him greatly. You did not contribute to his decision, which was an irrational one. He was loved, and had a good life. Unfortunately these facts didn't have that the weight they deserved in his heart and mind.
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I'm sorry for the loss. I understand that you feel guilt, and understand that your are feeling pain, but please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You did nothing but make him a better person and care about him greatly. You did not contribute to his decision, which was an irrational one. He was loved, and had a good life. Unfortunately these facts didn't have that the weight they deserved in his heart and mind.